


Filling in the Blanks - Secrets

by Thefishoutofwater



Series: Filling in the Gaps [16]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-04 06:49:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13358805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thefishoutofwater/pseuds/Thefishoutofwater
Summary: JO and Meredith have a heart to heart





	Filling in the Blanks - Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> A/N Post Season 12, Ep 23 but pre 24. So after the proposal but before the angry words. We’re heading totally AU by the end of this. Further notes at the end.

“Jo are you okay?” Penny Blake looked apprehensively at Jo Wilson who was sitting half dressed in the residents locker room. There was no answer,

“Jo!” Blake shouted and was surprised to see her peer jump from her seat and backup against the open cubbies,

“Penny. Sorry. Didn’t see you there.” she pulled the shirt she’d been holding over her head and glanced down at her feet, one sock on, one sock off, “It’s been a crappy couple of days.”

“Tell me about it.” Blake sympathised, “we’re trying to pack and Callie’s still a mess. It’s been getting on top of me.” She looked abashed, “I had a melt down and cried in Meredith Grey’s arms a few days ago. Mortifying.”

Jo frowned, “Really? Still at least she likes you and you won her over in the end. Wouldn’t have thought that when you first met,” she chewed on her bottom lip, “it’s taken me years to get her to see me – as a surgeon and a person and now that’s all screwed as well.” She ignored the puzzled glance the other woman sent her way as she slipped her sneakers on, “I’ve messed everything up Blake.”

Penny sat down and waited looking at the smudges under Jo’s eyes,

“Have you been sleeping?”

Jo tuned tired eyes towards Penny,

“Not properly, not in days. I’m stuck in neuro which is so not what I want to be doing and I’m having to study and prep for everything I do and we’ve still lost three patients in three days.”

“All the more reason to sleep I’d have thought.”

“When I get home, the loft is noisy and creaky on my own.”

“Do you want to go grab a quick drink? Medicinal?”

“No. I need to go catch the bus – they don’t run very often at this time of night.”

“Blake can I have the room please?” Both residents jumped at the sound of Meredith Grey’s voice from the doorway. Penny smiled sympathetically at Jo and fled,

“Wilson have you not sorted out your car yet?”

“They can’t fix it.” Jo was quiet.

“Okay then. Ae you ready to leave now? I’ll drop you.”

Jo stared wide eyed at Meredith,

“Don’t look so surprised I’ve been running you to and from work for most of the year.” Meredith was uncomfortable and her words came out clipped,

“No,” Jo was bitter, “you’ve been running Alex to and from work for most of the year I just happened to be with him. Like a newspaper or his gym kit.” She lifted her head, “I appreciate the offer Dr Grey, but I can’t right now. I just can’t.”

Understanding dawned for Meredith,

“Alex is in surgery with Maggie. They found a heart for the Lucas kid. They’ll be there most of the night. It’ll just be us.” She paused giving Jo time to answer, “Come on Wilson I need you back on my service next week and getting the bus back to your neighbourhood in the dark is a bad idea.” Meredith picked up Jo’s purse and headed to the door.

Jo resigned followed behind her.

 

Jo was relieved when Meredith put the radio on as they pulled out of the parking lot and drove in silence letting her rest her head against the window. The relief was short lived when the silence was broken five minutes away from the loft,

“I wasn’t sure I wanted to get married you know,” she started apparently from nowhere, “I love Derek. That is to say I loved Derek but I didn’t have any idea what a good marriage looked like and I didn’t think it was for me.” A nostalgic smile played on her lips, “we’d been on again and off again so many times. I loved him and I wanted to be with him but I did **not** want to walk down an aisle with people staring. The dresses left me cold.”

Jo listened, interested despite herself. Callie had told her part of the story months ago but she was keen to hear it from Meredith directly,

“I had a friend who was all about weddings. She was the kind of girl who had a scrapbook of wedding ideas. She knew what the dress should be, what canapes should be served, what Derek needed to wear. And she threw herself into planning my wedding colours and dresses and flowers and cakes.”

“It was Izzie.” Jo was quiet.

Unperturbed Meredith continued,

“It was, which means you know why Derek and I didn’t get married that time. But after that he still wanted to and I wasn’t sure. There were surgeries and patients and there was also just this fear. Anyway, we compromised. We made our vows to each other and that was that. Except it wasn’t really. We felt like we belonged together but not everyone saw it that way so when we came to adopt Zola we did. Just the two of us at Town Hall.”

She pulled into a parking space and turned to Jo,

“And the thing is, after that I felt differently. Maybe it’s old fashioned but saying my husband felt changed after that. We’d been saying it since the post – it but it felt different. We felt like a family whether it was the two of us or the three of us and then the four of us,” she smiled sadly, “even now I kind of feel like it’s the five of us. I learned that marriage can matter.” She took a deep breath, “He loves you and wants to be with you. You love him. Why is he sleeping on my couch Jo?”

Jo met Meredith’s eyes and was confused to see the warmth in them and to her embarrassment she felt her throat contract, as her secret bubbled to the top of her thoughts. She was surprised to find she had started talking,

“I’ve done something awful,” she managed to stutter holding Meredith’s eyes. She watched and was shocked to see the concern appear rather than the hatred she was expecting, “There’s something I’ve never told Alex and he’s never going to forgive me.”

“Alex can be more forgiving than you think.” Meredith pursed her lips in a rough half smile, “I ran away for nearly a year without a word and he’s still my friend.”

“It’s different.”

“Of course it is. You’re the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.”

“Wanted.” Jo corrected sadly,

“No. Wants.” Meredith was certain, “What’s the secret? It’ll take something pretty big to scare him. Izzie had had a teenage pregnancy you know, I have unknown family members appearing all over the place; he’s been surrounded by crazy his entire life. I’m pretty sure he can take it.”

Sitting in the half light of the car with Meredith’s encouraging half smile Jo wanted to believe her,

“Can you come up for a minute?” she asked.

Meredith didn’t answer but simply switched the engine off and got out of the car.

In the loft Meredith sat apprehensively on the sofa, trying hard not to fire out questions as she watched Jo remove a key from one drawer and move to another and extract a locked box. Her attempts to help had gone further than she had planned and she was starting to worry that Alex might be cross with her interfering. She blinked as Jo crossed slowly to her, eyes filmed with tears and a shaking hand offering up an envelope. Meredith took it and waited. When it became clear she was not going to get any more insight she opened it and withdrew a stack of photos which were face down. She flipped them over and gasped.

The first showed a younger, Jo her face terribly bruised and beaten, right eye entirely closed and nose clearly broken. She looked up and Jo looked down quickly to avoid her eyes. The second was a photo of her back; ribs clearly showing the imprint of a shoe. A third showed deep contusions across her wrists. A forth showed her upper torso with vivid bruising attesting to the damage delivered over an elapsed period.  Meredith stopped flipping feeling a stab of panic and a wave of nausea rise in her.

“Jo?” the question was muted

“My husband,” she whispered.

Meredith leaned closer,

“Jo, did you say ‘husband’?”

Jo lifted her eyes to Meredith’s tears glistening in her eyelashes,

“My husband used to beat me,” her voice, initially strong, cracked, “he would hit and pinch and punch and kick but always where no one could see. Then one day, one day I bought the wrong thing and he slapped me across my face. I felt my nose break and then he just kept going,” Jo was staring into the distance seeing horrors of the past, “I already knew I wanted to be a surgeon and he threatened to break my fingers. Then he kicked me until I blacked out.  When I woke up he was gone, and I finally left.” She was shaking from the force of her supressed tears.  

Meredith moved to her side and lay her arm lightly over the younger woman’s shoulders,

“Jo this is nothing to be ashamed of. This does not have to be a secret.”

Jo flinched away from the kind touch and tone and stood,

“No! You don’t understand.” She shouted, tears flowing freely, “I ran. There was this refuge and they saw me, they helped me. I changed my name and then I ran.”

“You got out. Your survived. There’s bravery in that.”

“You’re not listening!” she roared, “I’m not brave. I ran. I’m still married!”

Meredith stopped jaw open slightly,

“See! I can’t marry Alex because I’m still married. I can’t get a divorce because he’d find me, and I swear if he finds me, he **will** kill me. Even if against all the odds I got lucky and the bastard died it wouldn’t matter because it’s not like Alex would want me anyway. I mean we’ve bene together for years and he doesn’t even know my name!” she folded in on herself sobbing as she slid down against the wall.

Meredith watched for a moment before rummaging in her purse for tissues and tablets. She walked quickly to the kitchen and poured a glass of water before returning to the still shaking woman,

“Jo shhh,” her voice was quiet and as gentle as if soothing one of her children back to sleep, “take this.” She rubbed her hand tenderly up the younger woman’s back. “Who knows about this?”

“No one.” Jo blew her nose and rubbed furiously at her swollen eyes, “I mean. The woman at the refuge and then the couple of people who helped me with paperwork but that’s it. You are the third person in the world to see those.” she gestured at the photographs on the sofa.

“Alright then. But I know now, and you aren’t on your own.”

“Are you going to tell Alex?” Jo’s tone was fearful,

Meredith paused a moment knowing how important her answer was,

“He’s my family and he’s hurting. He loves you and I know he’d want to be there for you. But it’s not my story to tell, not unless you ask me to. In which case I will and gladly.” She handed Jo the water, “I hope you do decide to do that. For him and for you. But I think maybe a decision to be made with a clearer head and some sleep? Amelia is home with the kids, so I can stay here.”

Jo took another mouthful of water feeling calmer despite herself,

“You don’t need to do that.”

“I know I don’t. But I will, and I’d be happier if you weren’t alone. Go freshen up and we can talk some more. This is going to be okay. We can make this okay.”

Jo flashed a grateful smile and headed to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet seat shaking from adrenalin and the knowledge that her secret was out she wondered whether everything really could be okay again.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N So there we have it. This thing has taken on a life of its own. What started as some ad hoc, loosely connected scenes looking at Alex’ growth and commitment to his created family set against Jo’s slower fight against her immaturity has turned into what should probably just have been a multi chapter fiction. Re-watching scenes and episodes I became really interested in how Meredith went from dismissive and uninterested in Jo to accepting and even supportive of her relationship with Alex and how Jo went from such jealousy and dislike to having Meredith be her call in the Season 12 finale. I hope you enjoyed and thank you for all the kudos and interest along the way.


End file.
